If you’ve ever lost a loved one, experienced heartbreak, or any type of significant loss, you’re likely familiar with the feeling of grief. It’s a strong, often overwhelming, feeling that can be hard to cope with. People experience and express their grief in different ways, but it is an experience that requires tenderness – both from within and from external sources.
People experience grief after a significant loss that is typically permanent, like the death of a loved one or the ending of a relationship or even a loss of a job or career. When grieving and mourning the death of a loved one, we refer to that period of time as bereavement. Researchers and health professionals distinguish mourning as the behaviors that manifest in response to loss while grief refers to the emotional and psychological responses.
Grief is a natural response to loss and is experienced universally amongst humans despite being a deeply personal experience. There is no rule, order, or correct way to grieve. As a personal experience, grief will look different based on an individual’s personality and their relationship to the loss. These factors can impact how individuals process grief:
“You’re going to be okay. It’s going to be hard, but it will be okay.” - Anonymous
Grief is a deeply personal experience that manifests in various ways, including intense sadness, emotional numbness, and physical symptoms like fatigue or restlessness. It often comes in waves, with moments of overwhelming pain interspersed with periods of calm or even positive memories of the lost loved one. Grief can also affect behavior, leading to withdrawal from social activities or changes in daily routines.
Physical symptoms of grief can include:
Behavioral symptoms of grief can include:
Emotional symptoms of grief can include:
While both grief and depression can share similar symptoms, such as insomnia and lack of motivation, grief typically includes waves of pain mixed with positive memories. In contrast, depression often involves a sustained negative mood. Differentiating between normal grief and major depressive disorder is crucial for providing appropriate support to those mourning a loss. If you or a loved one has been experiencing sustained grief for over two months, it is encouraged to schedule help with a professional.
The stages of grief are a fairly popular theory around grief because of how relatable and straightforward it is. Developed by Swiss psychiatrist, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross developed the 5 stages of grief as experiences patients and families go through randomly, repeated, or skipping stages. This theory gives us a framework for discussing the complex emotional, psychological, and behavioral aspects of grief.
While the stages of grief are common feelings that grieving individuals go through, other theories suggest the process is more about task completion: notification and shock, experiencing the loss, and reintegration.
In the first task, notification and shock, people learn about the loss and likely feel numb or shock. They are likely to want to be alone so they process the loss so they can recognize and fully acknowledge the loss and how it will affect them.
In the second task, experiencing the loss, people feel the loss emotionally and mentally. This is when the pain sets in and people must find ways to cope and work through their grief.
The final task, reintegration, refers how family systems and relationships will adjust and restructure to adapt to life without the loss. It’s a new world or view of reality that is shaped.
There’s no one way to process grief, and many people get help coping with their grief by working with professionals or joining support groups. If you or someone you know is grieving, consider scheduling a session with a licensed, grief therapist with Tava Health here.
Grief, and the different ways it manifests, has been categorized into different types of grief to help empower people to effectively recognize, discuss, and support others.
Normal grief: This refers to the common feelings and behaviors associated with any loss.
Anticipatory grief: This is grief experienced before the loss has actually occurred, but in anticipation of it. Anticipatory grief is commonly associated with terminal illness, but it can also show up in people when there’s only the fear of a potential loss.
Acute grief: This begins immediately after the death of a loved one, and is associated with confusion, shock, and disbelief.
Disenfranchised grief: This is grief over a loss that is not recognized or validated, whether due to social stigmas or personal privacy.
Complicated grief: This is considered to come with higher risks than other types of grief due to the complexity and severity of the grief. There are 4 subtypes to complicated grief:
Grief research seeking to better understand the experience and how to cope with it has found limited evidence to grief types, such as chronic or distorted grief, while no evidence has been found for inhibited grief or delayed grief. Some research suggests that roughly 15% of people have a minimal reaction to grief, while chronic or complicated grief may occur in 15-30% of bereaved individuals.
Meanwhile, persistent complex bereavement disorder and prolonged grief disorder describe conditions where intense grief persists beyond the typical timeframe—12 months for adults and 6 months for children. Unlike normal grief, these disorders involve ongoing, pervasive distress and significant impairment in daily functioning. It's crucial to differentiate these from regular grief, as they require distinct approaches to treatment and support.
Grief is a profound and multifaceted experience that touches every aspect of our lives. It is not a process that can be rushed or neatly categorized; it varies greatly from person to person, shaped by our unique circumstances, relationships, and coping mechanisms. Understanding the different types of grief and how they manifest can empower us to navigate our own grief journey or support others in theirs. Whether you're dealing with anticipatory grief, experiencing the acute pain of loss, or facing the challenges of complicated grief, it's important to recognize that these feelings are valid and that seeking support is a crucial step in healing. Grief is a natural response to loss, and while it may seem overwhelming, there are ways to cope and find hope in the midst of sorrow. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and reaching out for help can make all the difference.
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